The Bad Review

        You may have noticed (at least I hope you have) that I try and make my blog, Prescription Fiction a very light hearted, non-confrontational, comfortable place for all you lovely chaps to explore. I try my best to use non-offensive language, a fairly positive tone and just to be double sure that I come across as friendly to you lot I grin constantly while writing these blogs (actually, I might stop that, my face is starting to hurt). Now, all this fluffy, goodness-and-light pleasantry business may seem just fine and dandy to you, however being nice in the book blogging industry (If I call it an industry I sound way more professional) has one fatal flaw – I cannot write a bad review.

         I have tried. I have sat down, boring book in hand, scowl firmly set upon my face, ready to write some hard-hitting, brutally- honest blog posts. But it’s as if as soon as my fingers hit the keyboard all that anger just slips away and my head is crammed full of butterflies, rainbows and such a beautiful happiness that I simply cannot type a single tainted word. It sucks.

  

       So far, on this blog, I have not uttered a single sour word towards any book at all. I have pointed out flaws, yes, but more by way of creative criticism, two stars and a wish if you don’t mind reverting to primary school terms. I have avoided the bad review at all costs. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I am a reading saint, immune to all negative bookish thoughts, enjoying every book presented to me, and it isn’t as I have been lying to you, swearing to you that the worst books are the best, tricking you into a day or two of bash-your-brain out monotony. No, I have simply avoided the bad review entirely. Making a conscious decision not to write about the books I don’t like. And why I hear you ask curiously through your computer screens, well, let me tell you.

        Guilt. Guilt is what stops me from tearing a book to shreds for all to see. I get that funny little knot in my tummy just thinking mean thoughts about my book. I would like to be honest with you, telling you about why I hated that love triangle or why the author’s sentence structure made me what to rip off my own eyebrows, but every time I hover my hands by the computer, ready to tell you what any professional book critic would, I imagine being the author of that book and finding a review like that.

  

       Every book you read has an author. Someone who sat for months, sometimes years behind a keyboard, dreaming up a world and spilling every ounce of literary brilliance they possess into the pages of a book. I have such a major attachment to some books, I will happily fight their corner in any way I can – if that’s me, I can’t even begin to imagine how strong a bond an author must have with their own book. How must they feel when they read a harsh review? We’re practically attacking their children!  I cannot bear to be responsible for that.

 

How could I ever be mean to Moran :'c

        That’s, not to say, however, that I have a problem with others who are bold enough to publish bad reviews, quite the opposite actually. I read bad reviews regularly, they’re juicy and interesting, and if it’s a book I did happen to like, I like to hear the different perspective. I respect the skill in being able to politely tell your audience that you disliked a book.

 However, there are times when that can go too far. I hate to see bloggers violently destroying a book without reason, writing only for the purposes of an interesting post, as opposed to informing others or expressing an opinion. I cringe when I see bloggers bite and snap over some poor guy’s debut novel on the basis that they ‘just didn’t like the book’. That is not a reason that is an opinion. If you really must be so harsh and aggressive about a book, I want you to give at least one good valid reason as to why, otherwise, you’re simply being mean. Not cool.

I could turn John Green into this...

I’m scared that if I write a bad review, this will be the case. All of this. I will write out all my negativity, hit publish and you guys will all read it and think I’m being terribly rude and mean and nasty! You will press un-follow and spread the world of my disgusting, evil character. I will never blog again. What’s more, the author of that book will somehow stumble upon my post. They will read my words with a look of misery on their face, one sad tear rolling down their cheek as they realise that they have failed as an author. They decide never to write again. With one post I will have kicked myself out of the blogging world, ruined someone’s life and looked like a prat all at the same time. Horrific, right? In my mind, this is the only outcome of writing a bad review and it terrifies me.

However, I do want to be the best blogger I could possibly be. I want to be able to talk about some of the books I didn’t like, start discussions, find out if you guys feel the same. So I write to you all today, looking for advice. I want to know! Do you guys want bad reviews? Do they make you cringe? Laugh? Do you like them? Do you read them? Tell me down in the comments, please! Because, honestly, I’m horrifically bad at the bad review.

Sisterhood of the World Blogger Award

Thank you so much, Jay, for nominating me! You should check out her blog: Books By Jay, it really is phenomenal. I’ve been dying to do this tag for ages and I am locked and loaded to write down the best darn answers to any tag you’ve ever read!  So…  let’s do this thing

1.   What was the best dystiopian book you've ever read?

Now this is a very difficult question indeed because I do love my dystopian and trust me I have read a lot of it! However, if you really are going to be so cruel as to make me choose then I would probably have to go with… ‘Delirium’ by Lauren Oliver. That book made me weep all kinds of ugly. I must have cried out around 50% of the water in my body. My friend told me what happens in the other two books though and with an ending like that I can’t bear to even attempt to read them… Aren’t spoilers the worst?

2.   How many books are on your TBR shelf?

I’m quite new to this whole blogging thing compared to some of you keyboard dinosaurs out there, but I think this is like a goodreads thing? In which case, I don’t know, because apparently I’m too stupid to work out how to use goodreads. You can find mehere if you want to try and figure it out for me…

However, if you’re talking about the books in the massive wobbly pile by my bed then I have about 10! Though it is my birthday this month so with any luck, that’ll double!

3.   What is the book that you really want to read but can't get your hands on?

So, recently in the UK the movie adaptation of ‘Love, Rosie’ by Cecilia Ahern came out and my friend pointed out in Waterstones that it had this really wicked writing style! Of course, it made me want to read it right then and there, immediately. But, what with being a teen n’ all my pockets are perpetually empty and I decided that £7 was far too much to pay for this book. Luckily, my town has about a thousand charity shops so I figured I’d just hunt the book down under its old title ‘Where Rainbows End’ (cheesy, I know).

I looked for that book for hours. I swear, I must have gone into more than twenty different odd-smelling shops and bumped into enough of the elderly to have me banned from all care homes ever, but it wasn’t there…

All of this just makes me want it more!

4.   What book is your most anticipated book of the year?

I can’t wait for ‘My True Love Gave To Me’! It’s a compilation of twelve different Christmas stories written by some of my absolutely favourite authors, including the Romantic Rainbow Rowell and the Spectacular Stephanie Perkins! It’s actually already out in the shops but I can’t afford it and it’s glorious pink pages… So, I will wait until my birthday and hope with all of my might.

5.   Who is your most read author?

I actually admitted in my recent blog ‘Defending Jacqueline Wilson’ that I have read a total of 32 of her books… I honestly don’t know how I did it! I was a massive fan of hers as a kid, every time we went to the bookshop I would pick out one or two of her books without fail. My brothers and sisters were fantasy addicts and they used to get annoyed by my total devotion to something that didn’t even have a single hobbit in it.

6.   Do you have any signed books? What are they?

Ha! I wish! The authors I love are mostly American but even the British ones never hop on over to my part of the UK! I never get any chances to get anything signed. I don’t buy the signed books from Waterstones again because of price, but even if they were cheaper it’s still not as exciting as having the actual living breathing author in front of you scrawling down your name… Maybe if I wish hard enough John Green or E. Lockhart will suddenly be compelled to jump on a plane, hunt me down and write a deep personal message in the front of my book, but until then, I can only dream.

7.   Who is your favourite contemporary author?

I cannot stress enough the love I feel for Stephanie Perkins and Rainbow Rowell. Every single one of their books so far has managed to break down my floodgates and turn my eyes into some kind of Niagra Falls lookalike. They have such a beautiful writing style and I am most comfortable when immersed in one of their gorgeous romances… *sigh*

8.   What is your favourite book to movie adaptation?

Book to movie adaptations are always better if the writer was in some way involved and that is why ‘Perks of Being a Wallflower’ was so on point! Chbosky himself wrote the screenplay for the movie so it was always destined for greatness. The characters were so well cast (even if Emma Watson's ‘American’ accent was so annoying…) and it was such an emotional movie. Seriously: Read it. Watch it. Rip your heart out of your chest. And then lose the ability to feel emotions entirely.

9.   Who is the most relatable character you've ever read about in a book?

I often find it quite hard to relate to a character because obviously in fiction the situations can be so extreme. I mean, I’ve never been forced to participate in a battle for the death against 23 other teens in which I nearly die of dehydration, fire, flying bug attacks and angry dogs who look weirdly like that guy I once knew, all the while being broadcast to millions of rich costume-lovers – so how the hell can I say I relate to Katniss Everdeen? That said, I would probably say I’m a bit like a few different characters. I’m stubborn like Emily in ‘A Heart Shaped Bruise’ (though, er… not to such a murderous extent) and I’m quirky like Lola in ‘Lola and the Boy Next Door’ – my friend says I even dress a bit like her!

10. Which book that you own has the prettiest book cover?

This one! (AND it has illustrations on the inside too!) 

My Questions:

If I’m going to do this, I’m going to do this good and proper!

1.    If you could change the ending of any book, what would it be and what would you change it to?

2.    If you could dump hot noodle soup over the head of any one book character, who would you choose?

3.    You’re getting married! Choose your soon-to-be spouse, your best man, your bride’s maids and your DJ?

4.    Sum up one book with an album or playlist

5.    You’ve stole a chocolate fudge cake from the local bake and you’re about to be shoved into prison for twenty two years with one book character of your choice, who would it be?

6.    If you could ask any author three questions who would it be and what?

7.    You can attend one fictional school for an entire year, which would it be? (Hogwarts is banned from this answer because, well… duh!)

8.    Would you rather snog Draco Malfoy, Luna Lovegood or Ron Weasley? State why!

9.    If you had to get a tattoo of one characters face on a body part of your choosing, who and where would you choose? (Keep it clean people!)

10.                       You can bring one fictional character back from the dead, but by doing so you have to kill another: which two do you choose?

I Nominate:

Tika from fangirl Confessions

Anastasia from Cuddle Reads

Emily from Forever Literary

Ellen from Quest Reviews

Monica from My Island of Books

Good luck girls!